nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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