He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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