Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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