is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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