I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
