When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize