it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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