Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
