dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
