why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
