he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
