do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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