Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
