No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize