Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize