My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize