he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
