I just made out with a guy for $7.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
