i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize