Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
