I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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