We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
