Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
