don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
