im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
