i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
