I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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