Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If I die, sorry about rent.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
