we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are two peas in an std pod
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
