The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
