but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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