i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize