Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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