They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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