i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So many bounce houses so little time
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would fuck him just for his dog
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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