we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize