so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
