I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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