Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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