thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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