You're my little dorito
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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