a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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