I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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