So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
