Dual....:-)
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
