I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
