sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
