I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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