Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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