While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Terrible idea I love it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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