6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
