I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
