so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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