im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
