Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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