dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
