Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
