hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
