so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
