we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
