So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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