It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
