i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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