According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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