some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
