He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
