Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
