she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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