the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
